Patriarchy is pre-historic

I had an awful nightmare last night. I was dreaming that there was a looming disaster about to befall earth, and I had to make it to some sort of transport that would allow me to escape. There were only limited spaces onboard, I was the wrong side of a large and chaotic city, I was running out of time, thousands of other people were scrabbling across the ruined landscape and I was trying to keep my family with me. I woke up just as I was forced to leave the final queue, in sight of the transport, because I realised I was alone. I was frozen in place in bed, sweating and disorientated. It was only the shuffle of my cat against my legs as he realised I was awake, that convinced me I was no longer in my nightmare.

Where on earth had that come from? I asked myself. What horrible subconscious stirrings in my mind had surfaced over night? And why? I sat up in bed, scooped the purring ball of fur from my legs and waited for my racing heart to slow down. I realised it had been the news the previous night, foolishly watched just before bed, that was rattling around in my mind. I’d gone to sleep appalled at so many things, and they’d become personal as I slept. I’d watched that, despite almost two decades of war in Afghanistan, the Taliban had regained power in the country, the president had fled, and interpreters and guides who had worked with British and American troops were being executed outside of their homes. I’d seen hundreds of photos during the day of people, families and journalists flooding to airports and military crafts, looking to get out of the country while they still could. I’d also seen the inevitable barring of borders and withdrawal of support for these people, fleeing an oppressive regime. I’d seen my fellow Brits complain about the impending influx of “illegal immigrants” and “migrants” into our country. As if they would do anything differently were the situation reversed.

My subconscious had implanted me in a classic disaster movie, fleeing across a ruined city, toward salvation, as I realised I would forgo safety to stay with my loved ones. There is no shortage of these types of disaster movies available in the western world. For example, the most recent one I’ve seen was Greenland. It follows a heroic father, fighting his way to a bunker in Greenland to protect his family as the very world is facing destruction. His actions throughout are portrayed as positive and necessary, even as he risks an entire plane of other people, by insisting his family board an overcrowded and over-burdened aircraft. You are encouraged as an audience to applaud and excuse his methods as he fights to get himself and his family to safety. His behaviour is not only acceptable, it is celebrated, as they make it to the bunker, again risking everyone inside as the occupants are forced to open the doors to let these individuals in. So Hollywood lauds these characters as brave, heroes, but when those affected are Afghans, the western world recoils in horror and shuts down any support, safety or asylum. Indeed, apply that to any refugee escaping any disaster and the respect for them and the empathy for their plight evaporates. Can any of us honestly say if a regime like the Taliban took control of our country, we would do any different? I know I wouldn’t.

I am especially concerned for women remaining in the country. Even as I write this, I am seeing news headlines that the Taliban are marking the doors of prominent women, as they search Kabul. I have seen Malala speaking out for the girls and women turned away from schools and universities they attended just last week, and told they cannot return. Malala herself was shot in the head simply for attending school, having ignored previous threats against her life. I have seen the film footage of large public spaces with no women in sight, as men are interviewed insisting that the burqa be made mandatory and women are talked about as second class citizens, property and possessions. Those who cannot escape will be subject to harsh restrictions, under the threat of death. There are female journalists in contact with the British press, who know they are in extreme danger and are unable to get out of the country. To say the Taliban advocates patriarchal society is an understatement.

There has been a huge amount of coverage on so-called Taliban wives. Some willingly there, others forced to marry and bear children to men of the regime. The attitude that women are the property of men and those in power is palpable, and that they serve little purpose other than to provide children, with no opportunities for freedom, education or development is so apparent. Just last week, we had a shooting in Plymouth (rare in the UK, but not unheard of) where the killer was a self-proclaimed incel, openly angry at women and their rejection of him. I have seen too many comments online from men, suggesting that young men should be “given” women, to have one allocated to them, to stop them becoming violent offenders. The lack of comprehension around what makes these young men actually turn to violence (poor education around consent, relationships & emotional intelligence to name just three) and the not-so-subtle parallels between a terrorist organisation’s ideas around the provision of females to men, would be funny if it wasn’t so terrifying.

This brings me on to this week’s t-shirt. I ordered from The Spark Company, an excellent company producing vegan clothing, that funds period products for women in disadvantaged areas. I’ve bought more and more of my clothing from here recently, as they sell a lot of black (goth here), are sustainable and zero-waste, and cater to my increasingly angry feminist ideals. I often get glances, and sideways looks when I wear anything particularly outspoken, and while I used to only sport my “The Future is Female” t-shirt around those I truly felt safe with, I now wander around proudly with outspoken symbols of equality and feminism across my chest. Imagine my delight, when I spot a Jurassic Park inspired feminist t-shirt, and immediately order it. I have a relatively uncomplicated Venn diagram of my tastes but something that spans my favourite film, feminism and is black in colour is a rare and precious treasure. I got back from an appointment last week, to find a lovely brown paper parcel, and wasted no time in pulling on my empowered t-rex, t-shirt. Only to be met with a resigned eye-roll from my housemate. I should add I’d just had my blue hair re-dyed and I was particularly vivid, but he only noticed my t-shirt. I immediately felt self-conscious, and that made me angry. So when he started to protest that the patriarchy in my country, and its impact on me hardly required eating, I saw red.

I absolutely accept that I do not suffer at the hands of the patriarchy to the extent that some do. I fully appreciate the intersectional complexities of feminism, but I do suffer. And until every woman on this planet is treated with respect and as an equal to men, NONE of us are truly free of the patriarchy. Men suffer from patriarchal ideals as well, the same housemate complains he can’t carry a bag as I lament the absence of pockets on my clothes, blissfully unaware we’re victims of the same enemy. Incels are so drenched in toxic masculinity that they see sex as the only acceptable use for women and rage against those asserting their right to choice and respect. What I am seeing in Afghanistan is a patriarchal regime at it’s most extreme. It’s still out there, and it does need to be eaten, preferably by a fearsome, female t-rex to follow the goat she had as her main. If you roll your eyes at feminism in the western world, you are part of the problem. If you can’t understand that I don’t have to be a direct victim of injustice to find it unfair, you are part of the problem. If you can celebrate leading men, fighting their way free of disaster in a film, but turn your back on refugees from Afghanistan you are part of the problem.

I honestly despair for anyone in Afghanistan right now, it’s a terrifying and threatening place to be for so many, and I can remain grateful that while the country I live in is far from perfect, I can still access education, remain outspoken, and chose who I associate with and what I wear. I appreciate I woke up from my nightmare but these women are living through it, and sadly not all will make it. Patriarchal ideals and constraints are all around us, it is dangerous to assume we’ve fixed it, and the news shows even violent intervention was not enough to hold back those supporting the subjugation of women in society for long.

Yes the patriarchy is real, yes it harms us all, and yes I dream of dismantling it with t-rex jaws, like a lawyer caught short in the rain.

I should add I took the photo above in the few minutes of delight I felt at something so awesome arriving for me, the smile does in no sense reflect how I’ve been feeling this week. The regression of feminism in the Jurassic Park franchise is something I feel particularly angry about, but that is a story for another time… and another t-shirt.